It's Time! by Bruce Buffer

Author:Bruce Buffer [Buffer, Bruce]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-95393-3
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2013-05-14T04:00:00+00:00

“STAY SINGLE AND YOUR POCKETS WILL JINGLE!”

When I hit age forty-five, I realized that more than 80 percent of my friends who had married were now divorced and paying alimony and child support. Enough said.

I didn’t get too far, because Aleksander and Fedor Emelianenko came over.

The brothers smiled and each of them took one of my arms and locked it into an armbar, without applying the pressure. It’s as if they were saying, “Here. Your arms are straight. We can break them at any time.”

“Bruce,” Fedor said in his accent. “Do we have a problem?”

My brain’s going, Uh-oh. He’s serious.

I smiled. The last thing I needed was a “problem” with these two bonebreakers. The last thing I wanted was to get the signals crossed because of the language barrier. I didn’t crack a joke. I was completely deadpan. “Hey, guys, no problem here. Happy New Year!”

“Good,” he said. “I like you.”

He then said something in Russian to his brother, who grunted, released my arm, and walked away like it was just another day at the office. Fedor and I shook hands, wished each other Happy New Year, and went our friendly ways.

I wandered back over to Barnett and the guys, who were just laughing.

“What’s so funny, guys?” I said.

“Do you realize how close you came to being a double arm cripple?” they said.

I said, “Where were you guys?”

They were like, “Over here. Not over there.”

And who knows if Fedor wasn’t kidding the whole time? But I didn’t want to find out. If I was right, it would have been a bad start to the New Year.

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